he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your cock deserves a montage
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
