make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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