Nicole vs. Life
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
