there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
