I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize