I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
time to smoke my breakfast
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
