3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
