You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
