Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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