I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
