Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Screwed.edu
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drake has all the answers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
