I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
