it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
