hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
