i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
