i was born a porn star she said
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
