Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
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I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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