before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
