Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
