shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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