I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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