Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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