I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i came on her dog
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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