clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
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