we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
