I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
