My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
