..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
