You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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