I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
