Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
