i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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