ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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