..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
