omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
