Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
