so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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