glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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