Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
