DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
