Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
