drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You're earring is so big in my mouth
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
