apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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