It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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