Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
