I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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