i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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