It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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