I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
