great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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