Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
