If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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