Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My friends, they love my intelligence
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
