the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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