just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
