grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
