I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
