In the future we'll all be gay
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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