Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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