So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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