he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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