I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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