Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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