Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She announced her abortion via fbk
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just pee around me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
