He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Terrible idea I love it
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
