you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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