Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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