VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just gargled with NyQuil
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
