...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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