He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize