i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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