I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
