I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
